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| writerscafe.org |
The failings of past feminism lay within the assumption that we must reject gender specific behaviour. What was intended as a form of emancipation set out constraints with the idea that, in a male dominated world, we must be more like men in order to get respect. Although this may have been appropriated as a metaphor, it denies women from embracing their femininity. Welcome to the culture of misogyny where patriarchy still rules. We do not need to reject our femininity. Both men and women need to embrace the aspects that reflect the sensitive side of our personalities. Femininity is not a weakness, but a real strength in a culture built on individualistic aggression. It is men's failure to embrace their femininity that has created a culture of misogyny.
Femininity is truly the road to both women's and men's emancipation. Explore what it truly means to be a woman or man in the 21st century. Forget stereotypical restrictive roles. Reject the thoughts of the elite whose only interest is profit. Capitalism places unrealistic expectations on men and women. The assumption is that you are of no value unless you have a high-powered corporate job and hoard tons of materialistic acquisitions that define your identity, a sports car. Success is not measurable by your bank balance, your competitive grades at school and college or the width of your muscles. The more we resist notions of aggressive masculinity, the freer we become. Learn to rethink what your values really are in life. It comes from feelings of personal and creative fulfilment. Look at the shallow and pathetic lives these supposedly successful males like Charlie Sheen have. No matter how much fame, 'acquisition' of pre-pubescent females he acquires, coke he snorts, he is still an aggressive miserable excuse of a human being, incapable of expressing tenderness to anyone.
As women, we need to celebrate our gifts; our ability to be tender, gentleness is not passivity but a real tool against the aggressors of this world. Men need to talk and discover their true feelings, learn to express their thoughts in a constructive way. Keeping their fears and anxieties to themselves creates a cycle of frustration where they lash out at their partners, carers and people who they love, and FEEL threatened by their emotions. This kind of aggression is deemed as 'socially' acceptable. Of course it isn't but these are the frameworks that men learn to react. Selfish society that teaches men that they can't hug another man, to raise a fist instead of talking, that they can't express feelings to their partners. It's a prison sentence that men need to break out of… but you need the tools to free you.
Listen, masculine aggression is not innate; it is the product of power, patriarchy, domination and culture. Forget the evolutionary psychologists who'll tell you otherwise, these self serving careerist are there to sell books, perpetuate myths on gender specific roles and keep the grinding wheels of capitalism in place / reinforce the state's oppressive agenda. The real oppressors are culture, religion and the state who use violence and aggression throughout the world for a fast buck.
Although aggression may, at its most primal, be a kind of gut instinct to our survival it does not determine or reflect the social conditions that we are thrown into. By accepting it as natural, innate and inevitable, it assumes that there is no other way. And there is. Cry, talk, express your feelings, and don't hide behind a veil of indifference. Fuck the shit that tells you boys don't cry. Real men do cry.